Morning Cup of Calm: Go Slowly
the heart of the matter
I told myself I would lean into experiential gifts this year. I’ve secured tickets to the Life of George Michael for my sister-in-law, and Wild Kratts Live for my youngest kid. But I've also Amazoned a wifi extender for my parents, underwear for my husband, and a belt for dad. My youngest wrote Santa that he wants a $50 toy that he will use maybe twice.
We’ll be at my parents’ this year. Christmas will be as commercial and rushed as ever. There will be laughter, lights, and the special pleasure of a six-year-old smitten with holiday wonder. There will be bickering, last-minute shopping, and a feeling that we are short on time, even though we are on holiday.
My Christmas recollections run together in phases of time, like the era of childhood Christmas eves in Honolulu. Our tradition was to go to dinner at Benihana. My brother and I would squeal over the culinary pageantry, thinking nothing weird about sharing Jesus’s birthday at a table with four traveling Japanese businessmen demolishing rounds of sake. I remember returning from college Christmases, when my mom would complain that I spent too much time away with my friends. Perhaps she suspected that my time away from home was in covert experimentation with “lifestyle choices”. These memories are stored in eras, in broad emotions. I don’t remember a particular gift, evening, or moment.
In our current phase, which I’ll dub the Kid Christmas era, we tow our chaotic family roadshow - kids, cats, books, gifts, and pickleball paddles to alternating grandparents’ homes. We code switch between different sets of rituals and expectations. We are devout Catholics and eat formal dinners at set times one year; we are pagan and pajamaed the next. We find our rhythm in alternating sets of rituals all familiar, all comfortable, and moving to meet expectations that we never agreed to, but must fulfill based on tradition and the universal human desire to appease mothers-in-law.
The Christmas I’ll remember is 2020. We grieved that we couldn’t connect with extended family, so we rented a small cabin on the Russian River. We ate when we were hungry. I seared steaks in browned butter one night and we dined on toasted Eggos the next. We bobbed in the hot tub many hours more than the recommendation for children. My kids think they invented skinny dipping. My husband pretended to be scandalized. We recorded various waterfowl on my birder app, and one morning my kids spotted a river otter wading through the mud and fog.
We spent almost all of Christmas day in our pajamas. We told Grandma that OF COURSE we had watched mass online. After we opened presents and called our families, we watched hours of Netflix cuddled under heavy blankets. As the daylight faded, we forced the kids to finally brush their teeth and get dressed so that we could walk along the river, and monopolize a local playground.
In the middle of navigating the challenges of the past years, I've found valuable guidance from positive parenting classes. Reminding myself these insights have helped us maintain harmony and resilience even during tough times.
I’m not nostalgic about the Quaran-times; 2020 + 2021 were a shitshow for my family. Yet it’s true that here and there, we found moments of simple joy. These were always through slowness and connection. These were times when we found silliness, care, and snuggles, amidst the fear and frustration. As we move into a hectic holiday season, I long for that simplicity. I hope I can find a few of these moments, and I hope that you can too.
we’re obsessed with
Soup. The first cold(ish) snap has come to the Bay Area which puts me into the mood for nesting with my Instant Pot and making soups and stews. My kids love arroz caldo, a filipino stick-to-the-ribs rice porridge. Here’s an easy recipe. Arroz caldo is all about the toppings. I like fried garlic, a six minute egg, and crushed chicharrones.
Soup ice trays. Speaking of soups, these ice trays are the gift that your loved ones don’t know they need. I make my own chicken stock, and then freeze it in these. You can also save your extra arroz caldo.
Sing-a-long Messiah. In the category of Stuff White People Like, that I like too: December is the month of Handel's Messiah. My dad would blast this record in our house and conduct his imaginary orchestra from his family room chair. Even his beloved Red Sox would be played muted, so that he could follow his favorite music. In 2019, I rediscovered the joy of public singing at a Sing-a-long Messiah. Maybe there’s one in your area.
where we’ve been
How to Stay Calm When the Kids Are Not
Ed presented How to Stay Calm When Your Kids Are Not to parents of Kids' Country in San Ramon at one of our largest workshops ever!
Wounds & Wisdom
Ed presented a Wounds and Wisdom workshop on cultural wisdom vs. generational trauma to Support for Families, an organization for parents and caregivers of kids with disabilities.
Family Connection Group
We facilitated a support group for families of kids with disabilities in collaboration with Support For Families.
Free First Friday
We had a great turnout at our last First Friday gathering with familiar faces and new friends! See what these sessions are all about by joining our next free session on January 5. Register here!
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Ed Center, the founder of The Village Well, is a parenting coach and educator certified in the Triple P method. The Village Well is a community of parents in BIPOC families, focused on attaining more joy, calm, and meaning in family life. We coach parents to prioritize their own healing and wellness, deepen connections with their kids, and learn tools to support better behavior. Services include Parenting workshops, Parenting courses, and community events. Our support is culturally-grounded support and honors your unique family. Ready to stop yelling? Schedule a free consultation with one of our team members.
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