Morning Cup of Calm: Why Dry January Mattered
the heart of the matter
I started off the year challenging myself with a Dry January. My reliance on red wine started in quarantine. I felt terrified, trapped, and bored. Those beautiful bottles gave me an inward escape. I increased my club shipments to support my favorite wineries, and bought six bottles at a time from the supermarket for the extra 10% discount. Wine became my thing. My steady, comfortable, thing. Drinking a bottle a night isn’t hard at all when you start at 4pm. Post pandemic, this habit became hard to shake. We were socializing again - first outside, then in bubbles, then the vaccine and blessed community again. Wine paired with all these functions. I had been denied connection and joy for so long. I deserved the full experience, uncorked!
First I noticed the weight gain, then the morning sluggishness. My digestive system was often awry and I pretended not to know why. My family noticed my quickness to anger or spiral when I was drinking. Still, life was so hard. I was navigating a family mental health crisis. “You’re underwater,” my bestie pointed out. I answered, “No. The water is right at head level.” Wine kept me afloat while dragging me down.
I worked so hard to raise my family and me out of those desperate days. I started Zoloft, I recommitted to exercise, and I embraced a meditation practice longer than I ever have before. What I learned to help myself and my parenting was so successful that I started The Village Well to support others. We’ve offered positive parenting classes and support to others navigating similar challenges. The bottle rode alongside me through all this effort and growth.
There’s no edgy and satisfying rock bottom to this tale. Just a moment when things came together for me to say Enough.
The first few days of Dry January were hard. Then it wasn’t so hard. Then it got hard again, and then not. I also went vegan for a month so it’s a bit hard to tell what mattered in what way, but here are things I noticed:
I slept better and felt more rested in the morning
My energy was pretty even throughout the day
I felt really good in my workouts
I got 5-6 compliments on my skin, things like, “you’re so radiant!’ As a vain gay, this was the most rewarding part
More important than anything, temperance helped me stay even keeled through a shitty month. My older kiddo’s mental health spiraled again. They (singular they) have been depressed, aggressive, and went to school two days in January. My youngest’s behavior was no picnic. Throughout this time, I was able to stay present and thoughtful. I responded instead of reacting. I slept well every night. I snapped at my kids just three times.
I felt like an Olympic athlete in training, and my event is supporting my kiddo. I’m in the best shape of my life for this.
So why am I not ready to call it quits for good? For me, I gained so much from not drinking, it seems like a declarative statement in bold, sixteen point font declaring my permanent sobriety should go here. I don’t have one; at least not yet.
I associate so many joyous moments with wine: trips to Sonoma, cachinnating with my cousin June, or just enjoying a big glass and a book. I want to cocktail at cocktail parties, sip from plastic cups poolside in Palm Springs.
I want to keep my radiance and control. I’m not sure how to walk this thin line. Balance was never my strength. Maybe in 2025.
we’re obsessed with
Boozeless wine. Related to my Dry January, I tried several non-alcohol wines. They all sucked. With one significant exception. I bought a case.
Sex! Okay let’s be real - it’s so difficult to maintain a strong sexual relationship with our partners through the work of raising kids, managing careers, maintaining our homes and all those damn logistics. I was inspired by this article on maintaining sexual intimacy through the phases and challenges of life.
Frederick Douglass. I’m going in deep. This biography of Frederick Douglass has amazing reviews. I admit to not knowing enough about this American treasure. I won’t be able to say that when I’m done listening to the 37 hours of this audiobook. My goal is to finish it in Black History Month, and I’m glad February has an extra day this year!
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Ed Center, the founder of The Village Well, is a parenting coach and educator certified in the Triple P method. The Village Well is a community of parents in BIPOC families, focused on attaining more joy, calm, and meaning in family life. We coach parents to prioritize their own healing and wellness, deepen connections with their kids, and learn tools to support better behavior. Services include Parenting workshops, Parenting courses, and community events. Our support is culturally-grounded support and honors your unique family. Ready to stop yelling? Schedule a free consultation with one of our team members.
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