Newsletter - In Defense of Equity
Happy Wednesday and happy March. In our first newsletter each month, we focus on educators, child care providers, social workers, and other folks who work with youth. I hope you find this newsletter helpful. But first…
announcements
The Partnership Principle
Thursday, March 6 at 12 PM PST
$75
Use promo code “newsletter” for a 40% discount. New price: $45
Tired of power struggles and nagging your kid without effect? In this workshop, you’ll learn skills to work with the energy and needs of your kiddo - and still get the behaviors you want!
That One Dang Thing
Friday, March 14 at 12 PM PST
Free
Come join a community of imperfect parents (including me!) trying to figure out how to get a little better. You’ll learn some tips to stay calm in the moment, some tricks to get better behavior, and we’ll hold plenty of time to laugh at our mistakes!
Summer is approaching fast. I have some great workshops to help organizations get ready for summer. These include:
Managing Groups of High Energy Kids
Youth Development Masterclass
Supporting Spirited Kids (including ADHD)
Inclusion: Fun and Accessible Programs for All, Including Kids with Disabilities
But my May is filling up fast and I’m out of here in early June, so book now by emailing ed@villagewellparenting.com
the heart of the matter
When I was teaching high school back in the, ahem, turn of the century, I found that my extra fidgety students responded well to physical touch. When I patted the back of a student’s neck, or scratched her back, or massaged his shoulders, that student could focus on the task at hand. Not just for the period of connection, but for a while afterward. I now know that ADHD is caused by a deficiency of dopamine, and affectionate touch stimulates the release of dopamine and other feel-good hormones. Touch was giving them what they needed to focus. This practice led to a quandary for me. This small group of my students had more trouble focusing, and were the cause of the majority of the distracting behaviors in the classroom. Was I rewarding these students by giving them more affection than the others? Was this fair?
I resolved the issue as best as I could through transparency. We could all see that these students responded well to touch and so I was going to spend some time supporting them. But anyone who wanted a back rub could say, “Back rub, please!” and I would respond. I even brought in a massage therapist friend to teach hand massage, and students started to respond to each other. We brought California crunchy vibes into this “inner city” school and my kids loved it.
I don’t tell this story to encourage massage across all classrooms - though there are worse ideas. I share this as an example of what educational equity actually looks like. The idea of equity is under attack as the Trump administration tries to dismantle Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion initiatives. Let’s take a look at what equity is, and what it looks like in your classroom, your afterschool program, your childcare center.
Every parent understands equity both intuitively and practically. I have two kids. I love them and want the best for both of them. They are not the same, so I don’t treat them the same. Right now I’m looking at summer programs. My youngest is easygoing and loves pretty much everything. I’m picking programs that are fun, close, and cheap. My oldest is finicky, and will refuse to do activities they don’t like. I’m handpicking programs that tailor to their interests, involving them in the search, spending more money, and willing to go further - maybe even an hour away for a special film camp in Sonoma. Is this fair? 🤷🏽♂️ But I’m certain that I’m allocating our limited resources in an equitable way to give both my kids the best chance at having a happy, productive, summer.
One of the biggest challenges in education and youth work is how we work with students with different needs. Some students come to school with strong executive functioning skills, while others struggle with self-regulation, attention, or processing. If we expect every student to meet the same behavioral or academic standards in the same way, we set some students up for failure. Instead, we must assess where each student is and provide individualized support that helps them grow. This does not mean lowering expectations—it means making expectations accessible.
I’m sure you have a student who can only sit still for 10 minutes before becoming restless. A traditional approach might dictate that all students should sit quietly for 30 minutes, and anyone who fidgets is disciplined. But if we know a particular student’s current capacity is 10 minutes, it is unfair to expect them to meet the 30-minute standard immediately. Instead, we should celebrate their success for achieving 10 minutes, encourage them to push to 11 or 12, and provide an alternative activity when their limit is reached. This approach builds their skills gradually without punishing them for developmental needs beyond their control.
Now, let’s take it down a few age levels. Imagine a daycare classroom where little Mateo, age three, is expected to sit in a circle for story time. The problem? Mateo has the energy of a wind-up toy and the attention span of a goldfish. By minute three, he’s rolling on the floor; by minute five, he’s attempting an escape. A rigid approach would mean constantly redirecting him or giving consequences, but an equitable approach would recognize his limits. Maybe Mateo gets to hold a special fidget toy during story time, or maybe he listens while bouncing on a cushion. Maybe we read a shorter book and let him "help" turn the pages so he stays engaged. Equity means we set high expectations—like listening to a story—but we make it possible for every child to succeed in their own way (even if that way involves a little wiggling).
Equity also means recognizing that students’ needs will change over time. A child who struggles with reading in first grade may need extra support and accommodations, but by fourth grade, they may be thriving with the right interventions. Similarly, a student dealing with personal trauma may need additional emotional and behavioral support to stay engaged. When we provide students with the tools and flexibility they need, we empower them to meet and exceed expectations in ways that build confidence and independence.
Implementing an equitable approach requires a shift in both mindset and policy. Chewing gum and listening to music without lyrics are both great tools to improve focus (both increase stimulation just enough to increase dopamine, but giving space for the thinking brain to focus on academics or other activities). But I’ve talked to many people who work in schools or programs that don’t allow gum or the use of headphones. Does it make sense to limit diverse learners in service of uniform rules?
Ultimately, equity in the classroom is about making sure every student has a path to meet high expectations. By meeting students where they are, we foster an environment of trust, growth, and achievement. When we recognize and respond to individual needs, we not only improve student outcomes but also create classrooms and programs that honor the diversity of the young people we serve.
we’re obsessed with
The Good Doctor. Some weeknights, my husband will put our younger son to bed and fall asleep with him. Then my older kiddo and I will grab snacks and watch an episode of The Good Doctor. It’s a fascinating show about a young medical resident with autism who excels at technical medicine and struggles with the interpersonal aspects, such as blurting out, “well it could be flesh-eating bacteria, and then we’d have to amputate.” Spoiler alert: it was flesh-eating bacteria and they had to amputate. It’s a fantastic ensemble cast full of hot actors of color. My kid and I give each other foot massages, and it’s my favorite time of the day. Although now I think any itch might be flesh-eating bacteria.
Standing Meetings… for friendship. As busy grown-ups, we have people that are near and dear to us that we just don’t see often enough. We make plans and someone postpones and then 9 months pass by without seeing each other. I’ve decided to be more intentional with spending time with those who are important to me. I’ve started requesting monthly or quarterly “standing meetings” with good friends to make sure I’m getting QT with those that matter. Every time I ask, the person reacts like I’ve asked them to prom. Pick a person and ask today! Jordan, I’ll see you on Friday.
where we’ve been
At Mission Graduates, we facilitated a 'Teaching with Cultural Wisdom' workshop, focusing on the powerful link between our cultural heritage, teaching values, and student relationships. We addressed how intergenerational wounds can affect those connections.
We wrapped up our school-year program at Kids' Country with a collaborative Youth Development Master Class. Participants shared and learned from each other’s helpful strategies, making it a very impactful final workshop.
At the Summit for Partnerships in Education Conference in San Bruno, we presented a workshop exploring the power of Generational Wisdom. It was an honor to facilitate this important conversation. We were thrilled to connect with so many enthusiastic participants.
Over 20 people joined our recent free Friday workshop, "Empathy Is a Muscle", to explore how empathy can help manage triggers and foster calmer interactions.
Join us for our next Free Friday workshop, "That One Dang Thing," on March 14th at 12 PM Pacific.
Book a workshop for your school or organization.
Bring The Village Well to your school or organization. We provide powerful, interactive and fun workshops for parents and/or staff. Learn more.
Ed Center, the founder of The Village Well, is a parenting coach and educator certified in the Triple P method. The Village Well is a community of parents in BIPOC families, focused on attaining more joy, calm, and meaning in family life. We coach parents to prioritize their own healing and wellness, deepen connections with their kids, and learn tools to support better behavior. Services include Parenting workshops, Parenting courses, and community events. Our support is culturally-grounded support and honors your unique family. Ready to stop yelling? Schedule a free consultation with one of our team members.
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