The Witchcraft of Cheese and Vapor Rub (Happy Hispanic Heritage Month!)
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Head’s Up!
More and more people are joining our community of parents of color focused on healing, growth, and connection. Help us spread the word. In honor of Hispanic Heritage Month, please forward this newsletter to three Latinx parents who will enjoy it!
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The gist of things
The Witchcraft of Cheese and Vapor Rub (Happy Hispanic Heritage Month!)
We often talk about tradition when we sit around The Well. We reflect on our families, cultures, and childhoods. What are the values and traditions that our families taught us? Which of these practices were grounded in joy, wisdom, and love? How do I pass these traditions on to my children in ways that are relevant, and teach them both where they come from and who they are now?
One family tradition that continues to define me is cousins as your first best friends. My early years were spent enjoying a lot of freedom with my cousins running through the suburbs of Mililani and Wahiawa, Hawai’i, where my grandma and aunties lived. My cousins taught me crucial skills; how to catch a tilapia in the deep part of Wilson lake, how to hold your breath for over a minute at the bottom of the pool, the exact moment at a family party when the grown ups were too tipsy or self-involved to check up on us, so the mischief could begin. Today, my cousin June is still my best friend, confidant, shero, and co-conspirator of good trouble and belly laughs.
My kids have just one first cousin. Fortunately, she’s a gem. She’s 14 and still likes hanging with an 11 and 5 year old. When my older son gets dysregulated, she conjures magic to calm him. I hope that she’s his June, remaining his bestie in adulthood. I hope they can always have a sturdy connection. This is the power of family.
In these cherished moments of family connection and bonding, I've come to appreciate the value of integrating positive parenting strategies, including those from the parenting classes that I offer, into our traditions. These resources help us pass down traditions rooted in joy, wisdom, and love to our children in ways that are both relevant and meaningful.
For Hispanic Heritage Month, I reached out to friends to ask how they engage their children in Latinx traditions. What traditions and values are you passing down to your kids? Let us know on The Village Well Facebook Page.
Tamale Pie
In true Mexican-but-not-Mexican enough form, our family’s favorite comfort food is tamale pie. Not really anything like tamales except for a corn masa base, our version is basically a casserole with layers of chicken, chiles, and cheese. The recipe was passed down from my Tia Mocita who got it from her Nana-Nina. Tia was insistent about using fresh poblano chiles and carefully roasting them first. God forbid! No cheating with canned! But over the years, my kids and I have decided that we actually prefer tamale pie with canned Ortega fire-roasted diced green chiles. I think it’s the vinegar. Now that my daughter is vegetarian, we only use chicken in half the dish. We are told this is not authentic, but we have decided it’s authentic to us.
Karina M (she) is a lifelong Oaklander, the daughter of a Mexican American father and White American mother, mom to two teenagers, and a serious A’s fan. Find the tamale pie recipe below!
Cu Cu Cadoo
I am Afro-Puerto Rican. My mother is from a Loiza village in Puerto Rico, a community that was founded by escaped and emancipated enslaved peoples and is still faithful to its African roots. One important tradition occurs when a girl starts her first period, prompting her family to start the celebration of Cu Cu Cadoo. The mother or family matriarch dresses the girl in white. The men of the family - her father, brothers, and primos hoist the girl up on their shoulders and parade her through the neighborhood chanting Cu Cu Cadoo! Neighbors emerge and join the parade with musical instruments, sweet treats, and alcoholic beverages. When the family circles back home, they set out food, start a BBQ, or invite neighbors for a block party potluck. The girl, of course, feels both celebrated and mortified. We did not Cu Cu Cadoo for either of my daughters. Our neighbors in Tampa lacked the requisite sweets and musical ability. So my daughters don’t carry that mild trauma. However, I hold a small sense of loss in my heart. There’s a cultural beauty to this tradition that they won’t fully understand. A first period is something that can feel shameful or weird as a girl. Yet in my heart’s home, this was celebrated and normalized by the whole community. Everything and everyone stops to say - this is a milestone not just for you, but for us all. You are part of us. You matter.
Afira D (she), a Puerto Rican, is raising two teenage daughters. They currently reside in San Diego, CA.
The Witchcraft of Cheese and Vapor Rub
My kids are Ecuadorian, Puerto Rican, and Italian, but mostly they are Queens, New York to the core. My Ecuadorian parents helped raise them, wrapping my sons in rich cultura. Nana manages their sniffles by boiling eucalyptus, garlic, honey, and fruit of jamaica tea. Vick’s Vapor Rub completes the magic. From a young age, my sons asked, "Is Nana a trained witch in Ecuador?" We all love turkey for Christmas, opening presents at midnight, and eating 12 grapes before the clock strikes midnight on New Year for good luck.
Nana returns from visits back to Ecuador with cheese in her suitcase, along with chocolates and manjar from the 80-year-old lady from Bahia who passes you a stash through a gate that she refuses to open. It reminds us that grandma is both loving and gangsta. With all the global richness of Queens, my boys don't know what is Ecuadorian or just the way things are. When my 20 year old asks that I make him pan de almidon with Ecuadorian cheese so he can take it to his co-workers, or when they ask me to make hot chocolate with cheese, or when they feel a scratch in their throat and apply Vapor Rub to their chests like cake frosting, I smile a little knowing that the ancestors live on in the magic of everyday moments, phrases and food.
- Grace B. (she) is a born and bred New Yorker, married to another New Yorker with Puerto Rican and Italian parents. Her parents are from Ecuador.
Adventures in Identity
From the time I was in college, I knew that I would adopt a child of a different race. I prepared myself to culturally support a Black child. I collected children's books, African artwork, majored in African and African-American Studies, and focused on African politics, languages, cultures, kingdoms, and geography. The universe and the foster care system matched me with a daughter who is Mexican, Puerto Rican, and Guatemalan. I shifted my approach. I chose an elementary school for her with a majority of Latinx peers. She’s always going to stand out having gay Asian American dads, but at school I want her to see herself reflected and to tap into her own resources for cultural and racial connections.
I think it’s important to call on your own community for cultural support. My daughter is lucky to have a Colombian aunt (married to her Taiwanese uncle). She Facetimes with them frequently and they converse in Spanish. While she may not fully understand, there's value to hearing and recognizing Spanish. We also maintain close contact with her birth family (maternal relatives and two siblings) and I have seen how these relationships help her feel grounded and connected in many ways. A big part of what we do is simply notice and name aspects of Latinx culture around us. She loves to sing and searches out Latin artists like Selena. At 7 years old, she brings up a topic about Latin culture or people as often as I do.
Some parents who adopt kids of a different race stress about cultural support. To me the underlying purpose is to help kids feel seen, heard, and connected. This can be fun and informative for both the parent and child. And for a caregiver to commit to their child's culture, especially when it is different from your own, can be one of the greatest adventures in life.
Adam C. is a queer, San Francisco-born, Asian American raising a mixed-Latina daughter in the Bay Area. He co-parents with his former partner.
We’re obsessed with…
Tamale Pie
When I was on paternity leave with my second son, Karina M came over to cuddle the baby and gift me with adult conversation. She also brought a tamale pie, which is her “Hello new human, welcome to the world!” tradition. It could’ve fed my family for a few nights if we had any restraint. Now you can enjoy it too.
In a large mixing bowl, make the Masa by combining:
2 cups cornmeal
1 can whole kernel sweet corn (drained)
1 can creamed sweet corn
1 cup Mazola corn oil
1/2 can evaporated milk
1 tablespoon yeast
Layer in a greased pan:
Masa
Cooked shredded chicken
2-3 cans Ortega fire roasted diced green chiles
Shredded Monterey Jack cheese
Masa
Bake at 375 for 50 minutes or until top is light golden brown
Buen Provecho!
Books
Hispanic Heritage Month is a great time to introduce your kiddo to books featuring cultura from Latinx authors. Here’s a list to get you started. I also want to give a shoutout to my colleague, and Bay Area education and social justice chingona Raquel Donoso who just published her first children’s book, Viva’s Voice!
Finally, if I wasn’t reading so much parenting literature, I’d spend some time curling up with my favorite author, Isabel Allende. If you’ve never been transported away by her storytelling, then it’s time to get lost in her magical masterpieces. Start with either The House of the Spirits (it’s not at all like the crap movie adaptation), or Eva Luna.
About us:
Ed Center, the founder of The Village Well, is a parenting coach and educator certified in the Triple P method. The Village Well is a community of parents in BIPOC families, focused on attaining more joy, calm, and meaning in family life. We coach parents to prioritize their own healing and wellness, deepen connections with their kids, and learn tools to support better behavior. Services include Parenting workshops, Parenting courses, and community events. Our support is culturally-grounded support and honors your unique family. Ready to stop yelling? Schedule a free consultation with one of our team members.