You’re Hella Stressed and You Aren’t Alone
announcements
30th Annual Early Learning Conference
Saturday, October 19, 2024
$60 Full Day (lunch included)
$40 Half Day (lunch not included)
Come join us for the 30th Annual Early Learning Conference at Los Medanos College on Saturday October 19th 2024!
The keynote presentation will be from our very own, Ed Center. Ed will speak about cultural wisdom and interrupting intergenerational wounds that burden so many of us.
Healing Parental Triggers Workshop
Friday, September 6 at 12 PM PDT
Free
Do you sometimes have big reactions to typical kid behavior? Our kids push our buttons and we can spiral into our fight-flight response. Learn why this happens, and how to heal these triggers in our free 30 minute workshop.
the heart of the matter
I hope you enjoyed a wonderful long Labor Day weekend. Amidst pickleball, grilling steaks, and nagging my kids to get off screens, I took a few moments to reflect on the future of the labor moment in America. We are still the wealthiest nation in the world, and yet we lag most of the developed world in protecting the needs of parent workers. Compare these realities:
The United States doesn’t guarantee any paid family leave; in Sweden, families get 16 months of paid leave that can be split between parents.
The US offers limited child care subsidies, mostly focused on the poor. France offers low-cost, high-quality daycare services that are affordable to most families.
Even with the Affordable Care Act, the U.S. lacks universal healthcare coverage. In Canada and the United Kingdom, healthcare is universally provided through government-funded systems.
The Federal minimum wage has remained at $7.25/ hr since 2009. The Australian minimum wage is adjusted annually based on the cost of living. Currently it stands at about $15 USD.
These policies often collude to keep families from getting ahead. Without paid family leave, wage workers with newborns must rush back to their jobs after limited time off. They then need to figure out how to pay for expensive child care. If they can’t afford it, they may need to work less and go deeper into financial difficulty, or leave their infants with relatives or neighbors in what might not be ideal situations. Parenting is hard enough without being forced into impossible decisions.
I want to highlight the structural and policy issues impacting families as I jump into the subject of today’s newsletter: parental stress. Last week, the US Surgeon General’s issued an advisory: parental stress has become a public health issue.
No shit, Doctor Obvious. We’ve been screaming this into our pillows, crying over this in our parked cars, and cackling about this in the dark humor that holds us from taking that one small step into a nervous breakdown. Parents haven’t been doing well for a while, and the situation is getting worse.
In truth, I’m a fan of Dr. Vivek Murthy. He’s done incredible work raising and normalizing mental health as a public health issue. Shining his spotlight on our struggles could advance the wellbeing of families. His advisory synthesizes parental struggles that will be familiar to you;
time demands
children’s health
children’s safety
parental isolation and loneliness
technology and social media
cultural pressures and children’s futures
Did you check two of the boxes? Three? Five?
In my life, these categories often overwhelm me. One of my kids struggles with anxiety, the other is temporarily in a wheelchair. My husband and I must labor beyond the usual parenting activities to support our kids. This week I’m advocating that our elementary school have accessible options on sports day, and I’m coaxing a kid through a flare-up of school refusal. Much of this labor comes at inopportune times; I can’t schedule a workblock to manage a crisis. Despite my conviction (and clear research) that screentime is bad for kids and families, excessive phone and tablet use has taken over my household. Setting boundaries means power struggles and dysregulation, and my husband and I often choose a sad and fragile peace. While we are great partners in managing a challenging household, we often disagree on what approach is needed in a specific situation. During these times, I can feel cut off, immobilized, and alone.
These experiences can feel overwhelming despite the many assets we have. We are middle class, have extensive education and social capital, are experienced in navigating systems and advocating for resources, and we are a two parent family. I don’t know how I would do this on my own.
Most people will learn of the surgeon general’s advisory through the press, which is putting the onus on us as individual parents and families to solve this crisis. An article from CNN advises parents to do the following: practice self-care, connect with others, spend more quality time with your kids, take stock of how you are spending your time, and my personal favorite - lower your expectations around parenting! Are you kidding me? These articles make us individually accountable for our own stress? While I agree that all these practices can be helpful, we need societal, cultural, and policy solutions to this complex issue.
Surgeon General Murthy’s recommendations run along these systemic lines. He establishes guidelines for key stakeholders like policymakers (establish a national paid family leave and universal health care), employers (provide access to affordable mental health care), and schools (foster dialogue about parental stress and mental health in culturally-relevant ways.
There is a concrete way that we can be involved in this issue - with our votes in November. In the spirit of, “don’t complain, do something,” we have the opportunity to support candidates that support families. This is critical at the local level, where city, county, and school board officials can do a lot to make progress for families. If you have the capacity, go to the debates and town halls and ask the candidates what they plan to do about these issues. Our sanity literally depends on it.
we’re obsessed with
Need a jolt of joy and inspiration? The Paralympics provide all that along with the opportunity to witness sports done in ways that are completely new to me. My family screamed in jubilation when archer Matt Stutzman hit a bullseye to win a tie breaking shootout. Stutzman has no arms - he shoots with his feet. He was definitely in on the joke when he turned the camera, winked, and gave us a thumbs up… with his big toe. We’ve also loved seated volleyball, blind soccer, and wheelchair rugby which is nicknamed murderball for good reason. On NBC and Peacock.
I expected actor Rob Delaney’s interview on the podcast Wild Card to be funny and smart. What I didn’t know is that Delaney lost his son at two years old to cancer, and discusses this with insight, love, and a surprising lack of sentimentality. A cliche: I laughed and cried during this listen. I’m going to buy the audiobook of his memoir about this loss.
Book a workshop for your school or organization.
Bring The Village Well to your school or organization. We provide powerful, interactive and fun workshops for parents and/or staff. Learn more.
Ed Center, the founder of The Village Well, is a parenting coach and educator certified in the Triple P method. The Village Well is a community of parents in BIPOC families, focused on attaining more joy, calm, and meaning in family life. We coach parents to prioritize their own healing and wellness, deepen connections with their kids, and learn tools to support better behavior. Services include Parenting workshops, Parenting courses, and community events. Our support is culturally-grounded support and honors your unique family. Ready to stop yelling? Schedule a free consultation with one of our team members.
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